rolling blackouts

rolling blackouts
by katie boyden
08.17.08

when you kneaded it like dough
and coughed up a week’s worth of not smoking

and the smog and the sheets were no match for
our stubbornness, and we tried to unscrew
meaning from all the toughest jars,
pried our fingernails clean off
and got nothing

we rolled into town
so to speak
and dirtied up the car
just to leave it
maybe someone else will clean it

I took you that morning
steamed you like cooking
made the walls get slicked with your cooling
while you secretly thanked God I have no fingernails

salty sweet and burned my tongue on the finish

when we stopped washing our hair
but kept scrubbing our skin
just so we could say we did something

and we missed the farmer’s market
every fucking Sunday and fucked instead
to make ourselves feel better about it

when our kisses drew blood
and your sharpened knife
sliced effortlessly through even
the softest and most bruised tomatoes

when the power shut off
and our food went bad
and the cat pissed on my bed
and we grappled and tangled and snarled ‘til we discovered
that we were evenly matched

and the credits rolled
and we were told that it was all
I mean all just a trick on the wall
smoke and mirrors

and we were just shadow boxing
and you were fighting you
and I was fighting me

and that made me smile because then
I knew that we could stop and not feel too bad about it
'cause we would still win.